Dawn & Don

Dawn & Don were an odd couple, by all accounts. They seemed to be somewhere between the ages of 45 and 85, depending on the light you caught them in. Physically, they resembled each other and wore similar clothes. In fact, they more than likely shared their wardrobes. Typically, it was some sort of baggy sweat pant and generic sweater or frumpy jacket. In the yard, you could see Dawn in a burgundy sweat pant and grey hoodie, while Don wore the burgundy hoodie and gray sweat pant. Footwear as you’d expect, was practical.

They looked like professors, but academics they probably weren’t. Don would often waltz down to the edge of his driveway, and dump his paper shredder into the street, like skins and peels into the compost. When the task was complete and every last piece of paper had been strewn into the lawns of his closest neighbours, he would proudly tap the bottom of the bin and retreat back to the house.

Dawn wore the pants, that much was clear. While it is true they both wore pants, and likely each other’s pants, figuratively speaking, Dawn wore the pants. She was the lawnmower, the snow shoveller, the handyman and the garbage hauler. Through their baggy sweatshirts, most who knew Dawn & Don would say Dawn’s muscles were much bigger than Don’s muscles.

As private as Dawn & Dawn were, their lives could be pieced together by conversations and noises that seeped out of their open windows. Vacuuming at midnight was a daily occurrence, sexual encounters and arguments were indistinguishable from each other. Dawn would scream then Don would chuckle, sometimes Dawn would chuckle too.

If you were to ever have a conversation with either Dawn or Don, it probably felt unproductive at best. The reclusive nature, and limited interaction with Don if you’re Dawn, or Dawn if you’re Don, has taken a toll on their conversational skills. Small talk with either is challenging and requires patience. You may come under the impression that both Dawn & Don were hit over the head with frying pans in the same tragic, breakfast accident . To this day, that is one of the leading theories among neighbours and onlookers.